A Mature Person Does Not Fall In Love

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A mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.

A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.

Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become
more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.

Immature people falling in love destroy each others’ freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

Source: Tantric Transformation, by Osho

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  • JB.

    I beg to disagree. I must say I like the part about the “paradox”, it sounds a lot like part in “The Prophet” by Gibran. However, I do believe that like everything else, a person who gives loves must also receive something in return. It’s not because humans are selfish. It’s because that’s how nature is, you give something, you receive something back. It’s to balance things out. Kinda like Yin and Yang, but not really. You get my point.

    I just really had to mention this because I’ve been reading a lot about idealized versions of love and it is quite alarming. Even “matured persons who love” also need that most basic gesture of acknowledgement, appreciation. It comes in many forms, and it includes the simple saying of “thank you”. You see, it is the nourishment that we, the people who love, desperately needs. And it is usually the one we forget about the most.

    Lastly, this article just screams “look at me I’m an expert in love”. There’s not grace in it. I personally think that the writer is trying too hard, so the message kind of got lost somewhere in the middle.

  • Ramandeep Singh

    Dear JB,

    The author actually knows what love is and it has to be experienced first hand to understand the message. This experience comes to very very few people and connects one with divinity. This is not an idealized version but it is the ONLY true version of Love.

    Love!
    Raman

    • JB.

      Dear Raman,

      I get the feeling that my message did not reach you. So to keep it short:

      I think everyone knows what love is. Even those people he or she called the “immature persons”. Love, as I have understood it, has many forms and is very flexible. You can be in love with your passion, with mother nature, or even humanity in general. The way love manifests itself is very different depending on the receiver of your feeling. If it is about “relationships”, it is a basic understanding that it involves a give and take process. Now, referring to the article, even if “he feels grateful that you have accepted his love”, it does not end there. As for the rest of my explanation, please refer to my comment above and read it without prejudice or bias.

      Respectfully yours,
      JB.

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